Originally I thought Rock of Ages, as a concept, sounded lucrative at the very least. It features a dozen sing-a-long rock hits from the 80's, it stars a shirtless Tom Cruise, and it has been adapted from Broadway by Adam Shankman, the same guy who brought the musical Hairspray to Hollywood with highly successful box office results (despite putting John Travolta in drag and a fat suit).
Alas, the critics have spoken, and even monetary success is not looking promising. As you will read below, most critics have found the editing choppy, the storyline weak, and the acting, singing, and dancing less than inspiring. The only bright spot is Tom Cruise's performance, but once you read just a couple of reviews, it's clear that the critics only praised his turn as "Stacee Jaxx" because they were simply surprised/impressed that Cruise could sing. For me, being surprised about an actor's unused skill does not warrant a great performance.
Anyway, check out the reviews and if you see the movie, please comment below on what you thought!
Score: 3 out of 4
But even if you never again want to listen to "Don't Stop Believin'," there's no denying the party-time pow of Rock of Ages, or of Cruise's performance. He's phenomenal. He gets all the moves right – the sound, too (check him out on Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive"). Better yet, he finds the heart that still beats inside the bare chest of this sex, drugs and rock & roll casualty. In a movie that only wants to rock you, Cruise plays it for keeps. Resistance is futile.
Thought It Was Okay
Score: 3 out of 5 stars
Like watching your company’s upper-management team drunkenly cut loose at a karaoke joint, “Rock of Ages” is an experience that will alternately leave you embarrassed and amused. It’s worth the novelty, but you may have a hard time looking at everyone involved the same way again.
Score: 2.5 out of 5
“Rock of Ages,” a jukebox musical turned junky big-screen attraction about making it in the music biz back when it still existed, is just entertaining enough to keep you from dark thoughts about the state of Hollywood. The movie is too insipid for such hand wringing, in any event, and the attention-grabbing turns by Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand and especially Tom Cruise as a rock-star crazy help enliven its overlong two hours.
Score: 3 out of 4 stars
There isn't an original idea in the screenplay by Justin Theroux and Chris D'Arienzo, based on an Off-Broadway hit. Even the songs are oldies. And that's OK, because the actors are having a lot of fun, and the production values of the musical numbers are slick and high-spirited. The only problem is that the plot meanders when nobody is singing.
On stage, Rock of Ages sizzled and popped. But the film's director, Adam Shankman, who did such a great job of bringing the Broadway version of Hairspray to the big screen, is a lot less sure-footed when it comes to the postures and emotions of rowdy kick-ass Americana. Most of the numbers in Rock of Ages are flatly shot and choreographed, and they look as if they'd been edited together with a meat cleaver.
Score: 2 out of 4 stars
We have the popularity of "Mamma Mia!" to thank for a much thinner jukebox goof, the tribute to '80s glam, hair, metal and krrrrranggg! known as"Rock of Ages."A few days after seeing a screening, I was driving by a billboard for the movie, and I thought, well, who knows? That might be fun. Then I realized I'd already seen it. And forgotten it.
Score: 1 out of 4
Despite a jukebox full of hair-metal anthems and a few memorable performances, "Rock of Ages" is a bloated, big-budget spectacle that makes you long to drown your sorrows in a six-pack of Bartles and Jaymes.
Score: 0 out of 4
As rock musicals go, Rock of Ages can’t go fast enough. This sloppy freak show is two minutes shy of two solid hours of screaming swill, without a shred of freshness, insight, cleverness or coherence to be detected within a two-mile radius.
Score: 1.5 out of 5
If Eighties rock nostalgia happens to be your particular cup of (P)oison, then the wall-to-wall hair metal and power balladry of Rock of Ages will make you want to (R)ush headlong into this screen (J)ourney. You’ll have to forgive the rest of us (F)oreigners for hopping the next (S)peedwagon outta here.
Score: 1.5 out of 5
What if some of the biggest stars in Hollywood dressed up for an 80’s-themed karaoke party, and nobody came? That’s likely to be the case when the word gets out about “Rock of Ages,” the big-screen version of the hit Broadway musical that’s so cringe-inducing and insufferably dreadful, it hardened my heart more than words can say, leaving me perplexed and embarrassed for all the players involved.
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