Summer is fast approaching, and you need to start getting your summer blockbuster priorities in order!! Who would wanna get sunburned all day by the pool when you could be in a dark room with a couple hundred strangers laughing your butt off and seeing people getting blown to smithereens? Not me.
Without further ado, I present the Moviepedia Summer Film Guide:
The Avengers - May 4
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Director: Joss Whedon
Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, Samuel L. Jackson, Stellan Skarsgård, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Scarlett Johansson
Wiki: The Marvel Database
Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hawkeye, the Incredible Hulk, and Samuel L. Jackson? What more could superhero fanatics and action film buffs possibly ask for? A hot babe? Well, Scarlet Johannson stars as the Black Widow as "S.H.I.E.L.D" rounds up the best Marvel heroes to save earth from Loki's evil army. I'm once again expecting Robert Downey Jr. to put his cast mates to shame.
Dark Shadows - May 11
Director: Tim Burton
Cast: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Eva Green, and Helena Bonham Carter (obviously)
Wiki: Tim Burton Wiki and Dark Shadows Wiki
Tim Burton teams up with his wife and Johnny Depp for the umpteenth time in this remake of the cult television series from the late 1960's. The gothic tale follows the antics of vampire Barnabas Collins and his encounters with a sinister cast of werewolves, witches, monsters, and ghosts. You either love this stuff or you don't, and if you're in the former category, nothing can beat a Burton and Depp film!
Battleship - May 18
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Director: Peter Berg
Cast: Liam Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, Alexander Skarsgård, and Brooklyn Decker
Following the success of Transformers, nobody should be surprised that Hollywood (where original ideas go to die) is looking to produce more films based on children's toys and board games. Monopoly, Stretch Armstrong, and Where's Waldo are all slated to become movies in the next few years. Seriously. Before you get sick of this trend, Battleship is worth checking out mostly because Rihanna's acting debut is intriguing, and for the strong possibility that we will get to hear Liam Neeson deliver the line, "You sunk my battleship!"
Men in Black III - May 25
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Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Cast: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Jemaine Clement, Emma Thompson, Alice Eve, Bill Hader, and Josh Brolin
Wiki: MIB Wiki
Call me a sucker, but I'm willing to take the risk of this selection coming back to haunt me. Most people felt that MIB II was mediocre, and I'm conflicted by the addition of two quality actors (Thompson and Brolin) contrasting with the addition of comics Hader and Clement. Another hit or miss aspect of this film is the fact that it takes place predominantly in the 1960s. If only Will Smith would make a rap song for the credits like back in the day, then this would be a no-brainer.
Moonrise Kingdom - May 25
Director: Wes Anderson
Cast: Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Frances McDormand, Harvey Keitell, and Bruce Willis
Wiki: Wes Anderson Wiki
Alas, a new Wes Anderson film! Fans of The Royal Tennenbaums, The Life Aquatic, and Mr. Fantasic Fox will be on tenterhooks waiting for another artsy-fartsy masterpiece. Most of the usual gang is missing, with the exception of Murray and Schwartzman, but Anderson always delivers with quality ensemble casts. The story follows two teens in the 1960s who succumb to young summer urges and run away together. The rest of the cast, who make up a small town on an island in New England, must combine resources to find the pair. This film promises to provide dry, witty humor, uniquely flawed characters, top of the line acting, and an amazing sound track.
Snow White and the Huntsman - June 1
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Director: Rupert Sanders
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, and Charlize Theron
Wiki: Snow White and the Huntsman Wiki
A twist on the classic fairy tale. The titular character becomes a fierce warrior after the evil Queen sends a "huntsman" to kill her for being the fairest of them all. The Huntsman can't bring himself to kill Kristen Stewart (who could?), so they join forces and raise an army to bring down the Queen's reign. Basically, this is Snow White with loads of bloody battles, and therefore a superior choice over Mirror, Mirror, the other Snow White film that comes out in the span of a month. If only Nathan Lane could be in this violent version for comedic relief, then you'd have the perfect Snow White film.
Prometheus - June 8
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Director: Ridley Scott
Cast: Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron, Patrick Wilson, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce
Wiki: Xenopedia
No, it's technically not the Alien prequel, but it is Ridley Scott's long-awaited return to the sci-fi genre. Set in the 21st century, the story finds the crew of the spaceship Prometheus stumbling upon an extraterrestrial civilization that yearns to discover the origins of humanity. Look for Michael Fassbender as an android and Noomi Rapace sans tattoos. Prepare to geek out!
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - June 22
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Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Cast: Benjamin Walker, Rufus Sewell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Dominic Cooper
Wiki: Vampire Hunterpedia
This might be my favorite movie title of all time, and the whole idea was inspired by a passing reference to a fictional movie of the same name in an episode of Showtime's Party Down. The cast and crew of this historical horror film is virtually unknown (in the mainstream), but the plot lies inherently within the title. Anyone with a decent sense of humor should be easily captivated when "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer" lights up the marquee, especially as an alternative to Spielberg's Lincoln biopic that comes out at the end of the year.
Brave - June 22
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Director: Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman
Cast: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Robbie Coltrane, and Emma Thompson
Wiki: Pixar Wiki
Even if you've only seen one Pixar movie, I probably don't need to convince you to see the animation studio's newest film. In the harsh, but mythical Scottish highlands, Princess Merida defies the customs of her kingdom and relies on her bravery (and archery skills) to reverse a horrible curse. As a fan of Braveheart and everything made by Pixar, this is a must-see!
The Amazing Spider-Man - July 3
Director: Marc Webb
Cast: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, and Rhys Ifans
Wikis: The Spiderman Wiki and The Marvel Database
I was initially quite perturbed when I first learned about this second attempt at Spider-Man's origin story. It's only been 10 years since the original! But now I'm looking at the facts: 1. Andrew Garfield is better than Tobey McGuire 2. Emma Stone is more charming than Kirsten Dunst 3. The original 3 Spider-Man movies are actually not that good. So, why not reboot? If the reset button helps emphasize character development over special effects AND makes the film more gritty and contemporary, like it did to the Batman and James Bond legacies, then this might be a blessing in disguise.
Ted - July 13
Director:Seth McFarlane
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and Seth McFarlane
Wiki: The Family Guy Wiki
If you're a fan of Seth McFarlane's show Family Guy, this is a must-see. His film debut is sure to offend, disgust, and make people uncomfortable. At first, seeing the teddy bear smoking a bong on the couch next to Mark Wahlberg reminded me too much of the TV series Wilfred with Elijah Wood, but as the trailer continued, it became clear that this film will be much more shocking. Bonus points for Mila Kunis!
The Dark Knight Rises - July 20
Director: Christopher Nolan
Cast: Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Marion Cotillard, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, and Gary Oldman
Wikis: Batman Wiki and the DC Database
This film is the undisputed most anticipated film of 2012. Whether you're going to line up for the midnight showing or wait for the rental, nobody can deny the general consensus. After The Dark Knight, this may be the most buzz-worthy superhero movie of all time. Three members of Nolan's Inception cast join the already stacked lineup of the Dark Knight Trilogy, along with young starlet Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. If you don't see this movie in 2012, you clearly don't enjoy the cinema.
The Bourne Legacy - August 3
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Director: Tony Gilroy
Cast: Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, and Edward Norton
Wiki: The Bourne Directory
If you loved Matt Damon's Bourne Trilogy as much as I did, you might be skeptical of the studio trying to keep the franchise alive without him. I was pretty concerned that they were trying to pass off Renner as Damon like we wouldn't notice, but this is a completely new story. Renner's character is a different CIA operative who just happens to kick ass in the same universe that is based on Robert Ludlum's novels. Phew! Throw in Ed Norton and this killer trailer, and I'm sold.
Total Recall - August 3
Director: Len Wiseman
Cast: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bill Nighy, Ethan Hawke, and John Cho
Wiki: The Philip K. Dick Wiki
Total Recall is a 2012 remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger film of the same name, both of which are based on the novelette "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale" by Philip K. Dick. This version promises to retain the mind games and intensity, but with better special effects. Farrell plays a construction worker who discovers that he is actually a secret agent. He then travels to Mars to discover his true identity. Consider this Farrell's "Neo" opportunity. The cast is strong and the story is stronger. All hail Sci-Fi films based on good Sci-Fi writing!
The Expendables 2 - August 17
Director: Len Wiseman
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Liam Hemsworth, Jason Statham, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, and Dolph Lundgren
Wiki: The Expendables Wiki
I don't give a Van Damme if you saw the first Expendables and hated it, this one will kick more ass with certainty. First of all, Schwarzenegger actually fights bad guys in this one (he appeared in the first film for all of 30 seconds in a dialogue-only scene). Secondly, people were put in critical condition while filming the stunts (and a guy died, which isn't cool, but it proves that the stunts are going to be crazy). And last but not least, Chuck Norris. That is all.
